I Pity The Baby Foo

It’s really too bad this isn’t a real product. Even though the new movie was disappointing, the TV show still kicks royal ass (in my inner 8-year old boy-brain, that is). No, this was an artistic work that I found over at Neatorama (and which they got from Great White Shark).

50 Most Shocking TV Moments

Normally I leave this stuff for the other sites, but since I read this from beginning to end, I thought I’d share. I didn’t realize that Oprah lost all that weight in the 1980’s…I thought it was more like 1993 or so.

By the way, the original filename of Oprah’s photo is “Oprah Fat Wagon”. I think that’d be an awesome band name. [link to 50 Most Shocking TV Moments]

Panic Attack

This guy made an awesome short movie for about Three Hundred Bucks. Amazing.

61 Things On My Cat

The Future…to 1987 Geeks

Watch out for the F*Bomb at the end, sorry. Other than that, it’s safe for work.

Prisencolinensinainciusol

Happy Half-Birthday Jesus

Bat For Lashes – What’s A Girl To Do

Fun and freaky. I’ve heard the song, but only just watched the video tonight.

Contra vs Tetris

Homework

This is why I like having straight-A’s in college, so that I can hand this in and not worry about having points docked. For one thing, I don’t need to spell out “Corporation”. For another, I can put answers like 16-5, part 5 & 9. I should have done the whole assignment like this.

16-1 – The primary differences between a limited partnership and a general partnership are liability and the number of partners you can take on. A general partnership has only two partners, and it has unlimited liability for those partners. A limited partnership can have as many partners as they feel like, with one general partner. The regular-partners’ liability is limited to the amount of capital contributed to the partnership, and does not extend beyond that like a general partnership can.

16-2 – the various types of corporations described in chapter 16 are:

1. Closely Held – a corp held by a small group of people that don’t trade their stock
2. Publicly Held – A corp whose stock “is” traded, and held by many shareholders.
3. Domestic – a corp held in the state in which it is incorporated.
4. Foreign – Like a “domestic” corp, except that it does business in a state other than the one in which it is incorporated.
5. Alien – Like a “foreign” corp, except that it does business in a country other than the one in which it is incorporated. There have been many films made about Alien corporations, including the documentary, “Independence Day”, and the fictional but fairly accurate and long-running Star Trek series.
6. Multinational – A corporation that distributes and manufacturers world-wide. It trades on the exchanges of many nations-states, and also has officers & managers who are citizens in many states.
7. Subchapter S – A corporation that organizes & operates as a domestic business corp, but for tax purposes, it is treated like a partnership.
8. Professional – A corp that allows professionals (lawyers, doctors, accountants, etc) to incorporate to take advantage of health & pension plan tax deductions.
9. Nonprofit – Well, it ain’t a corp that was formed for the purpose of making a profit. It’s the other thing.

16-3 – The factors that an entrepreneur should consider in selecting an organizational form for a business are how to finance the corp, whether you’re operating on a state, national, or international level, whether you want stock in the corporation to be publicly traded, whether it is a coalition of professionals or not, and whether or not it will be a for-profit or not-for-profit entity.

Volkswagen Wish Commercial

This is from a couple years back. I just re-watched this commercial, and felt the need to post it once more.

Sledge Hammer. Trust him.

This is the theme song to one of the cheeziest comedies from the 1980’s. The composer of the theme was Danny Elfman, who also composed the themes to The Simpsons, Spider-Man, and various other movies and TV-shows.

Things I’d like to see, #1

1) The typical photo of new parents, in the hospital room, newborn babe in Mom’s arm, with Dad’s leaning into the shot…and they’re doing either devil-horns or fist pumps, with the non-verbal message of, “WOO! WE FRICKIN ROCK!! WE MADE A BABY!! SHE HATCHED A HUMAN BEING!! WE RULE!!”

Happy Father’s Day!

This might be the single best father in nature.

RIP Gary Coleman

I know this is rather belated. I just didn’t have the right words until now. The picture is in reference to “The Gary Coleman Show”, a half-hour cartoon that aired in 1982-3 on NBC. It wasn’t the best cartoon on Earth, but I remember watching it an awful lot that year when I was a kid, to the point that I was really surprised it only ran one season. Click the picture or here for more info on the cartoon.

I hate it when actors that I like become almost a punchline to people. For actors to put themselves out there, an image of themselves, for the world to see…in most cases, they deserve better. I hope Gary Coleman found some peace at the very least.

Passing the time

I was bored. Yes. Just now. I was bored. Still am. Which is why I am here. So earlier I wrote a poem. Actually, it was a song. But it was sort of poetic. It was about having relations with a zombie. I meant it as a joke at first. But then it got weird. Because I’m not sure it was consentual. Because I wasn’t sure how a zombie would consent to intercourse. And so I finished the song, and put a bunch of bananas on my head instead. Because it made me feel better. Yes, they were Chiquita bananas.

The Indian Rope Trick

Swimming With Dolphins Is Asexual In Nature

I sometimes think about the books I’d like to read again before I die, like re-reading my Stephen King collection (about 80% complete). And then I think about the likely possibility that, if there is a Heaven, then if it’s the idyllic place I’ve thought about since I was maybe 9 years old, then I’ll remember every single little thing I’ve done on Earth, but not feel bad about the bad things, only good about the good things. If that’s the case, then there really is no point in re-reading Stephen King…or anything. That includes Calvin & Hobbes, since I’ve undoubtedly read them all. And XKCD. And Sandman. And Shel Silverstein. There is no reason to re-read that material because I’ll remember it in Heaven. So I should just be out experiencing new literary..experiences. Or geocaching. Or practice shooting a Desert Eagle. Or climbing some big rock. Or swimming with dolphins, off some unpolluted shore. I could be doing anything, yet one thing I still want to do in life is to purchase the remaining Stephen King books I don’t already own, and read them from the first book to the last. Except for the end of Dark Tower 7 of course. Hey, he asked me not to, I’m still not going to. SK saved my life once, I’m going to give him that one. If you want to infer more from that sentence, let’s just say that The Green Mile, which was originally published as a serial novel over the course of nearly 6 months, was a very good thing for me. It was a crucial six months that I simply had to keep going. Because I don’t think people in Hell have very good memories, except of the missed opportunities and failures in their lives. And I think they largely put themselves through all that. And I believe that people who commit suicide probably spend at least part of their eternity there, and maybe have their souls destroyed in the process. Seriously, after spending even a little time in Hell, do you think you’d be able to be functional in Heaven? Maybe there’s some kind of therapeutic spa that cleanses all the old crap, but without a sense of time, how long would it be before you’re clean?

Along those same lines, does everyone appear in Heaven at the same time, kind of like that last season of Lost? That’d be awkward. I hope Heaven has an infinite land space, or else it’ll be an awful lot like the Oklahoma Land-grab that was dramatized so effectively in the movie Far And Away. (Which is actually rather underrated, despite the overacting in many portions of the movie.)

Still, a really crappy piece of land in Heaven still has to be good for growing something. Like rhubarb or spinach. And I mean the leafy spinach that Subway started offering alongside their lettuce, not the slimy stuff that Popeye ate…although the slimy spinach is awesome in chip-dip and on DiGiornno pizza.

In closing, if you’re thinking about ending it all before your time, find a really good current serial novel (yes, they still make them), or a web-series, a TV-show, or a great series of comic books, or even a DVD boxed set from an old show, and start enjoying the media of your choice. With hope, the process will take several months to go through, and by the time you’re done watching, most likely, things won’t be as bad as they were at the start of the process. Don’t hide from your troubles, but at least have a ray of light in the midst of the shit-brown that is your life.

And get some exercise. It’s natural prozac, and it will make you less of a dreary asshole. Unless you’re roid’ing. Then you’re on your own.

In all seriousness, besides my prescription, get help from someone. There are often plenty of free services out there, or if you have insurance, then oftentimes insurance will cover a psychologist or psychiatrist. It never hurts to check it out.

Peace. And always remember, swimming with dolphins is asexual in nature. Or out of nature, at Sea World.

RIP Jimmy Dean

I just read that Jimmy Dean, the sausage king of…everywhere, and the singer of the old song “Big Bad John” passed away. For me, besides his kick-butt sausage patties, I’ll always remember his movie from 1990, “Big Bad John”. He plays Cletus, on the trail of John as he hides out in a mining camp. Jimmy Dean is partnered with Jake Elam, the actor who played the crazy-eyed doctor on the Cannonball Run movies. This wasn’t the greatest movie in the world…but when Jimmy and Jake hit the road in a police-seized pickup (with a nitrous switch in the glovebox), hilarity ensues. Suddenly they’re going from 45 to 105, scaring the crap out of these two old-timers. That scene is probably better than the rest of the movie. In fact, until I read more about the film just now, I didn’t realize Ned Beatty was even in the movie! And for Doug English, who played Big Bad John, this was his only film. Prior to this movie, English was a defensive tackle for the Detroit Lions. It’s sad to see Dean go, but we all have to sooner or later I guess. And that’s what these “in remembrance of” blog posts are really for: to reinforce the fact that we’re all going to die. Is that such a bad thing? It all has to end sometime I suppose.

Puppy Tries to Howl

The Best iPhone App Ever!

Install mass numbers of popular programs

What a wonderful thing…this site allows you to mass-install various popular programs after formatting your hard drive and reloading your operating system. Being an un-proud owner of a Vista laptop, I find myself reformatting this beast at least 3 times a year, usually more. With this site in mind, my life will be so much easier next go-around.

Random Pirate Joke

A sad pirate walks into a bar, leaning heavy on his peg leg. As he approaches the bar, he notices a steering wheel and a parrot in the front of the pirate’s pants.

The bartender says, “What’s wrong?”

The pirate replies, “Oh, it’s me parrot. It’s driving me nuts.”

Inside a Birdhouse

via Bits and Pieces

Super Mario Bros. Speed-Run in 5 Minutes

The thing I like about Speed Runs is that I can get all nostalgic about a game, but I don’t have to be reminded about how much I suck at playing it.

Addicting Song – Atlas Sound “Quick Canal”

I used to play this one single track for hours on end (until I discovered NME Radio). Enjoy.

The Beatles – You Know My Name

This one just got stuck in my head for a while, so I thought I’d post it. Sorry, no video except for the album cover.

Best Wedding Proposal EVER!

On the 5th anniversary of the day I proposed to my wife (which is also her birthday), I figure I’d put up the second-coolest wedding proposal ever.

How To Do The Spongebob Laugh